Being a Parent (Through the eyes of an adult child)

I lost my Dad a week today and I guess I am doing what every member of my family is doing, I am reflecting upon every aspect of our lives together.  Possibly, in an attempt to redefine my sense of self and purpose.

I am single and without children, so what gives me the right to explore parenthood and its meaning?  On the other hand, why not?  My sense of detachment may help me to discover why it is still important for some couples to produce offspring, progeny for future generations.

When I think back to my childhood, I reflect upon the trouble I periodically caused for my parents, the fights with my sister and occasionally, illness.  This is the same in most families.  There are good days and bad days.  So I selfishly return to the question, why do some couples choose to have children?

I have seen positive models of parenthood.  Those couples happily in love who choose to have children to extend their family life and additionally their happiness.  Interestingly, these couples are not always married, so I think that the institution of marriage should no longer be considered as a prerequisite for long term happiness.  It can be but should not be seen as necessary.  The children consequently grow up to mirror the parents and are perhaps, more inclined to have children in the future.  These children are likely to uphold the values of their parents.

Conversely, I have seen extremely negative models of parenthood.  Although, bear in mind, these are simply value judgements on my part based on sporadic incidents.  These include and are not limited to, parents who place their children on a pedestal and give them everything to satisfy the avaricious tendency of some children (but to be fair to the children, they are normally simply mirroring the tendencies of the parents.  Conspicuous consumption is rife in Western societies).  Also those parents who hit their children because they 'cannot control them'.  Sadly, this phrase is still used.  My conception of decent parenting does not involve acting like a puppeteer, manoeuvring each limb and informing every decision made by the child.  It's about helping to instill values and allowing a degree of freedom to learn what is acceptable and what will have repercussions.

The ideal parent is like any human being capable of making mistakes but is available to help the child when needed.  A support, a friend, a teacher and most of all, a force for good.  I feel through experience that single parent families are as encouraging and nurturing as families with two parents.

I want to salute all parents for their strengths and weaknesses.  Will I ever become a parent?  Who knows, but I want to thank my parents for making me what I am.  I will learn who I am one day too.  They have helped to inform that aspect of my personality too.

                                                                              Barry Watt - 10th January 2015.