You wake up one morning and you realise that you are 40. Well, what do you do? Actually, you continue as before. Last year, at some point I drew a bizarre symbol that resembled a collection of joined triangles. I was going to use it as a signifier for my life. Something to drop inelegantly into a blog or two. I didn't understand its meaning but I knew that I enjoyed how it looked. I also added a little line that resembled a smile. Anyhow, I never did anything with it then suddenly on my 40th birthday, I pulled out the little piece of paper with this symbol on it and decided to make it part of something larger. A collage with lots of hidden meanings. A map with intent.
Now believe it or not, when I first laid out the triangular concoction and the other objects, I was asked if I was performing a ritual. Now being open to most ideas, I could see how any arrangement of objects within a triangle or series of triangles could be construed as magical in some contexts. It is definitely not a pentagram. I am not using it as the basis of any kind of spell either for protection or in any hateful context. For me, it is simply a visual composition of important objects to me with extremely positive connotations. In some respects, if it can be said to have any intent it is similar to that provided by a coat of arms. It is a means of identification, a trademark if you like for this new period in my life.
I rarely feel the need to do this but I am going to break down the relevance of each of the elements or symbols in this composition. This will either annoy you, gentle reader or provide an insight into the thinking processes of a forty year old man who greatly values the small things in life and their intrinsic link to the larger things. I live in the details.
The background paper concerning New York was wrapping paper that enveloped a gift given to me on my birthday. Everyone who ever gives me anything is special, it certainly doesn't have to be material items. The choices that we make on a daily basis concerning what and how to demonstrate how we feel and/or understand other people strike me as very important. The wrapping paper featured various advertisements for New York, clearly used within the tourism trade. They were colourful and striking. The colour scheme for these adverts resembled the comics I still love so much for their vitality and sheer eclecticism. Now, the woman who gave me this paper had no way of knowing that I have been toying with a trip to New York for some years. I will go there at some point. I was just waiting for the right time and that time feels as though it is approaching. As such, I had no hesitation in using this as the background for my composition.
Two of the objects in the composition, the fruit and the little skewer thing, which is under the die are associated with my pre-birthday drinks the other night. The night will always have a number of positive connotations for me. I got to spend time with people I feel close to. Also I ended up in two venues I have always loved, the National Theatre and the BFI. Creativity is always a powerful anchor for a restless mind (however paradoxical that statement may sound). The fruit lived on the top of a cocktail that R bought for me (I use the letter to protect identity and also to sound as pretentious as a novel writer. Gosh, the number of books I have read that have simply referred to characters with singular letters). R has a good taste in drinks and it was odd to see more than my five a day forced into a long slim glass. It also led to various rude comments from C and P concerning 'handling my fruit', which I will not mention too much here. The fruit fell off the drink and I wondered at the time where it had gone as I didn't see it on the floor. It had fallen into my carrier bag where I found it on my birthday. The plastic skewer thing basically punctured the virtues of two raspberries that adorned the top of a glass of champagne or some such that R also bought for me. Later, they became the eponymous 'hairy fruit' and it is curious to see how they look when they fall into sparkling wine. They fizz and discolour. They struggle against the sensation of ecstasy, the experience of transformation. I pocketed the plastic skewer thing because I wanted a memento of the evening and as I am quite tactile, it was nice to have something that I could stroke and finger gently.
The blue plastic sapphire was given as a form of payment for Bombay Sapphire gin at a very exclusive Book Slam awhile back at the very peculiar Village Underground ('very peculiar' in my book is very good indeed). We were given three sapphires each. As I am a lightweight and I believe it was a working night, I just had one gin. My memories of the evening involve my friend F and the sound of cocktails being mixed whilst the performers were trying to be heard in what is essentially a huge viaduct with the worst acoustics in the world. Still, I smuggled out the other two plastic sapphires because once again, I like how they feel in my fingertips.
The little blue imp has associations with my Grandmother who I deeply loved who gave this to me back in the 80s after suggesting that 'I could be as naughty as this little guy'. Something about the little blue imp (I think it's an imp but can't be sure) has always struck me as a lucky symbol. He has a cute belly that I have occasionally rubbed, in the same way that people rub the belly of representations of Buddha. I am not especially superstitious, so I can only put it down to... Yes, you guessed it! Mr Tactile strikes again. My Grandmother died but the little figure brings to mind positive associations of times I spent with her whenever I find him in a secret corner of the house.
The die has obvious associations with chance and a certain novel by Luke Rhinehart, which I constantly bang on about called 'The Dice Man'. Just imagine, making your choices in life and using the die or dice to determine which decision you make. It's quite alluring for someone who is quite indecisive when making major decisions. I don't recall ever really trying some of the little dice experimentations, I was going to try. For those of you who think it is a totally chaotic way of decision making, it is actually largely ordered by your own values, moral codes and interests. If you write down a list of six options etc, you are effectively providing a structure to your decision making. So paradoxically, it brings up issues concerning how random or radical decisions can ever truly be, no matter how we choose to select them. The number five on the die just looked nice and I am amazed how the colour blue is dominant in this composition.
So collectively, what does this all mean? Have I unintentionally created a composition that symbolises aspects of my character and past or have I produced something that will become a map for the future? It's not magic but the combination of objects does imbue the creator with a certain sense of positivity. An energy for change. You may view it quite differently and see the objects as symbolic of other things and your interpretation is equally valid. Just remember, it comes from the heart. Rational explanations can only ever truly appreciate the canvas, not the content.
Barry Watt - 20th March 2014.
Afterword.
The National Theatre in London is simply spiffing and the bar areas have a certain piquancy during performances.
The BFI which is located next door to the National Theatre is another little gem, particularly if you wish to see classic films and seasons dedicated to directors and film stars.
Bombay Sapphire is an alcoholic beverage. It is gin.
The Book Slam is probably the best literary night available. The Book Slams are mostly held in the Tabernacle in Notting Hill and also the Grand in Clapham. Occasionally, they are held elsewhere too. Writers and performance artists of all types read aloud from their works and/or perform with gaps between the acts to allow the audience to chat, get drinks and go for pee breaks.
Village Underground is in Shoreditch. Quite a lot of events go on there. On a scale of one to crazy, Shoreditch is up towards the crazy but that's a good thing! Lots of quirky bars and venues embracing the hairy body of culture as it poses in different lights.
'The Dice Man' by Luke Rhinehart. It is currently published by HarperCollins.
BW
